Coffee break conversation

An online experiment that you're welcome to join

When I started thinking about a salon or meetup of some kind, a scene in one of Anthony Trollope’s novels came to mind:

“But there is Miss Dunstable, I declare,” she said, seeing that that lady had entered the room; and away went Mrs. Proudie to welcome her distinguished guest.

“And so this is a conversazione, is it?” said that lady, speaking, as usual, not in a suppressed voice. “Well, I declare, it’s very nice. It means conversation, don’t it, Mrs. Proudie?”

“Ha, ha, ha! Miss Dunstable, there is nobody like you, I declare.”

“Well, but don’t it? and tea and cake? and then, when we’re tired of talking, we go away⁠—isn’t that it?

Read the rest.

Mrs Proudie called her party a conversazione in order to avoid feeding her guests, and was known for her morality lectures, not her conversational talents. The Barchester series is great fun, but for a conversational model we have to look elsewhere. Most intriguing is the custom of adda in Kolkata, capital of the Indian state of West Bengal.

Adda is a beloved pastime that's unique to Kolkata. Markedly different to small talk or chatting, it is best described as an informal group conversation that's long, fluid and relaxed in nature. While "adda" can loosely be translated as "hangout", this loses the nuances and oversimplifies the action.

"We are not expected to produce something out of an adda," Aditi Ghosh, head of the linguistics department at University of Calcutta, told me. "It is a kind of unplanned mental exercise where we not just talk about ourselves and our families, but we go beyond that. It is about ideas and events happening all around us."

For Bengalis, who are known for their gregariousness and love of talking, engaging in adda is an essential part of the day. Traditionally, a perfect adda should include a little bit of everything – politics, art, literature, science, debate, gossip, jokes, rumours, food, cigarettes and tea – and can take place anywhere: in a private home, a local tea shop, the park or a veranda.

Read the rest of the article by Tania Banerjee. (Thanks to Renee Yaseen for sending this BBC article.)

I’ve been reading about conversation because it’s a key to making a third place come alive, and crucial to improving our public life. Conversation isn’t necessarily easy: some people are shy; others talk too much; and things can go awry. And we really need to be face to face to make it work well.

On the other hand, it’s quite miraculous that we can connect across continents and time zones. As someone whose work involves building international networks, I don’t underrate the importance of the technologies that let us communicate with friends and colleagues around the world.

In that spirit, I want to experiment with our Microsoft Teams meeting platform. It’s very much like Zoom and paid subscribers will receive the link to the first Teams “office hour,” which will be held on Wednesday 11 December at 10am Eastern. If you are a free subscriber who would like to join the meeting on Teams, please drop me a line (click reply to this email) asking for an invitation.

I realize that 10am Eastern is not a convenient time for many, but it is within the window when people in Europe and Asia as well as the Americas can conceivably meet. (Australia’s 14-hour difference from the east coast makes it impossible to find a good time and I’m very sorry about that. I’m going to try to bring you a podcast from Australia very soon.)

This is last minute and it’s holiday season, and mid-week to boot. This is just a tiny exploratory event, unstructured and informal and as much like a face-to-face morning coffee (or after-work drink) as I can make it. You will not be forced to introduce yourself, and there will be no “ice breaker” games. It’s just conversation! I know there will be stories about third places to talk about, and I’d be happy to talk about publishing or US politics.

Here are a few books and articles you might want to take a look at. And if you’d like to talk or say hello on Wednesday, drop me a line.

Ben Franklin: “Let his Air, his Manner, and Behaviour, be easy, courteous and Affable, void of every Thing haughty or assuming; his Words few, express’d with Modesty, and a Respect for those he talks to. Be he ever ready to hear what others say; let him interrupt no Body, nor intrude with his Advice unask’d.”

We owe to one another all the wit and good humour we can command; and nothing so clears our mental vistas as sympathetic and intelligent conversation. — Agnes Repplier

Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age by Sherry Turkle (Penguin Press, 2015)

And from a colleague in Canada:

At a Loss for Words: Conversation in an Age of Rage (2024) by Carol Off

What I Mean to Say: Remaking Conversation in Our Time (2024) by Ian Williams

The second is this year's Massey Lectures (which you can hear online as a podcast from CBC Ideas); they are the Canadian version of the Reith Lectures, which you likely hear on BBC Radio.